Dear kin,

This subject is strong for me in these times due to my own personal loss and where the world is at.

When I look at acute sensitivity and strong mental health issues, grief is more often than not so deeply intertwined it’s hard to know where to start from.

In researching mental health and different ways of viewing the named disorders, I have found over and over again that grief is never far behind and more often than not at the core of many of our wounds.

Grief is being experienced deeply and widely at the moment. When we lose our human rights, it’s a deeply felt loss. A loss we grieve and mourn for. Honestly, if I was a woman in Afghanistan right now, grief would be my closest and constant companion. The journey of grief includes all emotions, and yes rage has its rightful place within grief as well.

As I shared in my last post, grief came knocking at my door and already I feel the societal pressure due to me being a counsellor and having ‘the tools’. It’s assumed I should easily rise above it, see the good in it all and move on to being in a happier place.

This doesn’t make the journey, which is what grief is to me, any easier. The collective pressure is heavy. When I hear my mobile ring from someone I know, I can often hear in tone that the voice at the other end has a little expectation in it, hoping that I have bounced back and am fine now. As for most people, the subject is very uncomfortable.

Fortunately, I do have a few close people that understand that my grief is a journey and will take time to ease out and I am immensely grateful to each one of them for that support in just validating where I am at.

Otherwise, as I mentioned, there is an expectation for me with all my skills to be over by now. It’s not far off three months.

I remember my mother when she was alive telling me that when people are in grief they are very busy initially with the funeral and all the legal and paperwork to get moving, and then by the three month mark, they are often emotionally and physically exhausted and thats when the world moves on and everyone forgets. My mother was always the one to call them around the three month mark. She was right. That has been my experience previously and currently. I am very mindful to carry on that 3 month call to others in her name.

Via society, it’s assumed that we should be over it. The three-month mark is when we are ‘meant’ to move on and you’re allowed maybe a year to grieve quietly to yourself. However, depending on the level of grief and what is weaved within it, it can hit extremely hard at the three month mark and for some the 12 month mark as we see the world moving on, couples, families laughing together, and this can lead us to feel even more isolated and incased by our own sense of loss because we are now meant to be over it.

It is important to understand that grief doesn’t always stand alone by itself as a lone walker on the journey. It can come with other elements that make the journey more difficult. Trauma can often block the journey of grief. It halts its progress along the path. The grief then becomes ‘Complex Grief.’ This is referred to as a state in which one has prolonged grief that doesn’t seem to lessen over time. What I see in both my clients and my own personal walk, is that trauma is what makes it complex.

I have met grief before and the heavy hit of it, however, this time it came with a massive dose of PTSD, due to the circumstances of how it happened. The ptsd amped it up to a much higher level of imbalance, and yes, I had a few moments where I was worried about my wellbeing.

Something happens inside me when I become really concerned about myself. It’s as if the inner survivor in me kicks in and says, we have to face whatever this horrible frozen feeling is and get to the other side or we won’t survive.

Believe me, the resistance to doing this was HUGE! I knew that every time my memory travelled back to that traumatic time in a flashback of sorts, I crumbled and felt my child self wail in despair. I knew that if the adult in me wanted to avoid it, so be it, but I sure as heck won’t leave my inner child behind in despair.

Knowing that I was not able to do the work, the healing, the clearing on myself because there was so much resistance, I put my hand up and reached out for help. I have always been very fortunate in finding what I call ‘spiritual surgeons’ in different avenues of healing.

I personally need two things in my therapist. I need them to be expert in their chosen techniques, both via theory and experience, and be able to hold energetic space for me to do what needs to be done.

As my shamanic teacher often said to me. ‘Odette, you can go to the depths of anywhere, as long as you’re contained.’ What that means to me is if I feel safe with the person that I am being guided by, I can face anything. And in this situation it again proved to be true. With good containment, I got to the core of the PTSD, shifted it and it has not returned. When I did shift it, the next few days were a bit of a weep fest as I felt suddenly unplugged, however, the relief that I was no longer frozen along with the tears of grief were very welcome. So if you are not healing from your grief, it may well be due to having other things woven within it.

Other forms of complex grief can occur due to having to be there for a toxic or demented parent or partner who lashes out, or pleads for you to take them home or end their life, or having to step up for someone who did great harm to you or having to be there for a dying child.

This doesn’t make grief an easy ride and it’s a very challenging ride all on its own. This can then spill over into family dynamics where no one sees eye to eye and no one knows how to support each other. And then of course we have murder or suicide and all the unanswered questions that make closure feel impossible. Grief can be an incredibly complex journey for many.

In the western culture, we are in general taught to fear death and everything to do with it, so when it arises, the faster it’s over with the better. It’s often how we are taught to deal with heavy emotions as well.

Looking at the mental health issues that are escalating at a massive rate, we are reacting to a society that has lost its way and putting priority on what can take and consume rather than what we can build and share. The Wetiko is seeking to divide and disconnect. Open any page of the news and you will see it’s doing exactly that.

Personally

Grief tells us that we are now physically divided from the person who died.
Grief tells us we are disconnected from them, their physical presence.

Within the Wetiko (collective mind virus)

We are being forced to divide and take sides
We are being forced to disconnect from others.

Add trauma
We are feeling deeply disconnected and the divide between us and others is a giant chasm.

Feeling highly sensitive can already make us feel divided and disconnected. Grief is natural and we need to honour it within our own stories and take our time along the path in what we are mourning. However, complex grief can block our way and make everything harder.

You may not want to go there, the resistance may well be very ,strong which means there is a strong charge there. Take your time finding the right therapist. They may specialise in REM, or Cellular Trauma healing, or Shamanic Soul retrieval. Find what suits you. I find someone who has some lived experience (see if you can relate to what they have written or spoken on) along with good training can often be the best therapists.

If you can’t do that for whatever reason, reach inside, to your inner sanctuary and spend time cuddling your inner child, validating them regularly and often, and intentionally breathe yourself back through a soft rain from those wounds and merge with what is returned with intention.

I’m still on the grief journey, weaving my way down the road at my own pace, but the path is now free from blockages and for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.

Blessings

Odette

(c) O. Nightsky

Its call came in the dark of night when many chose to cross over.

The Boobook owl echoed the end of her long-lived life and the transition of change for me who spent the last nine years making her life as quality-filled as possible by living with her so she could stay in her own home. The owl call still echoes as I slowly pack up the family home, moving through the items that smell like her, the photos that make me wish I had asked more questions and the emptiness of the house without the sound of her heavy feet, the smell of her cigarettes ( A smoker since 11 years old. They make Scots hardy folk!), her sighs, her vibrancy, her little isms, her laughter and her cuddles.

Grief is a strange bedfellow. No matter how many times it comes to visit, every visit has a different flavour. Within this particular rite of passage, I feel the significance of now being an elder myself, as I am now without either parent, an orphan of sorts.

The inner child energy is more in need than ever of loving reassurance as my mortal mother is no more. Those of a spiritual or stoic bent would say ‘She lived a good life and now she is free of pain/ and or in the light/ with her loved ones, be happy for that.’ And in that sense yes I am happy for her, however grief is a very ‘mortal’ experience. It can feel like a gaping hole left behind, a vacuum where that very alive person once was. I’m not one for spiritually bypassing the depth and impact of grief. Like any shadow, I need to sit with it, sit with the uncomfortable, without fighting it, until it naturally transforms.

My first real experience of grief other than an animal who I would weep buckets over, was my best friend. I was in another country when a car she was a passenger in hit the wall of an autobahn in Germany. By the time I returned, the funeral had passed and people had moved through the initial grieving process. I felt quite lost and adrift. She was my first real friend after I had returned to Australia from America as a young adult. She was a dear loving-hearted sister who accepted me completely. I recall not long after returning and feeling the loss, someone saying something glib like, ‘Well you believe in reincarnation, so you know she will be fine, what’s the problem?’ I honestly could have slapped them at that moment. She clearly didn’t understand the impact death makes on one’s mortal heart.

When my father died, I also lost my chance at having a very much-wanted baby. I was rushed to hospital never to meet my dream child. My partner and I couldn’t withstand the pressure we were under with that and other outside events pushing in on us. I was deeply lost in grief and the space my father left felt like a massive chasm that nothing could fill.

My father was my touchstone of trust in the world and that trust had gone along with my child and my partner within the same few months. I recall being in the car as my partner dropped me off at a friend’s place and there wasn’t anywhere on my face or chest that wasn’t dripping wet with tears. To lose a parent, child and a partner….it came close to breaking me and it took a lot of healing and dedication to my self-worth to come back from that.

That was the last really big one till now.

This one has a finality to it unlike the others but in contrast, there is an abundance of love at the same time due to the time spent loving her and caring for her these past years and the close bonding we built through that. There is added to that the insights that grief brings in seeing which people are there for you and those that are just all talk, as well as that odd sense of feeling strangely orphaned.

In the days after the ceremony of her life, when I was again alone in the house, I felt the weight of the grief so strongly it filled my body with such sorrow that I was finding it difficult to breathe. A card she wrote me flew off the bookcase, with not a breeze to help it and the loving words brought me literally to my knees. I felt her worry, her concern for me, and honestly, it was too heavy to bear. I asked her to let go, telling her, ‘If you let go, then it’s easier on me, and I can let go too.’ After that, it was as if the weight lifted off my whole body and psyche and although the natural feelings of grief still come and go, the heaviness that was crushing me has gone.

As I reflect I realise that I will never be an orphan within. She is so deeply part of my heart as is my father, my brother and my child. Alexander Levy’s book The Orphaned Adult has been playing on audible as I pack things up. It helps.

It dawns on me that the years spent parenting my inner child in its different ages have helped prepare me for this journey. I am my inner children’s caretaker the loving compassionate mother energy for my inner child in need. I know when I hold my inner child selves to my heart and breathe them in close to my soul, they are comforted, much like my mother’s hugs were for me (which I have to say were the best of all hugs). Our last hug was in the hallway and we like always stretched out our arms as we moved towards each other to embrace the nourishment we both loved.

My mortal earth-suit self mourns those hugs deeply. I am aware I am a spiritual being residing in an earth suit but I came here, incarnated here on earth to experience being mortal, being human, and I’m feeling all the feelings that come with it.

For me to deny the grief or spiritually bypass it would not be authentic. All the pain I move through garners me more compassion, empathy and understanding for others who walk the path of grief be that the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, a devastating change of some kind etc. It’s a transition that we need to be present for where possible. Especially us in the West who have dehumanised grief into funeral boxes and thoughtful gestures to then move on.

When my elder brother and I spoke about my mother’s death years back, I heard myself say, ‘I will just cry and get on with it. I’m a crier so I imagine that’s how it’s going to be for me.’
And indeed it is so. I can’t compartmentalise very well on the emotional front, I never have but within that, the emotions are not locked away or suppressed. I’m not dissociating from this.

I created an altar of beautiful flowers, candles, mementos and pictures of her in the lounge room. Our Muslim kin from Indonesia are praying for 40 days as is their way, so in my own way, I am joining them as I light the candle each day, burn incense, talk to her and face the reality of never having another hug in this earth suit form.

I came here to be human. It’s bloody uncomfortable being one right now, but as I often say. THESE ARE THE TIMES WE CAME FOR. So regardless of how painful it is, I’m here for it as much as I can be. I am getting massages regularly as I miss touch and I know I need that. Self-care is paramount and it’s nourishing and important especially at these times as are afternoon naps which I haven’t had in years. Kindness to myself is my way through this and being as receptive as I can to people’s offers of care and help, along with knowing that my spirit kin are holding space for me and my inner child energy at all times.

During her last days, I did do some work on making sure my inner child energy was safe and taken care of in the sanctuary by my guardians and also created a place across the river for them to honour my elders and the love we have for them, within a stone circle. I also did some deep work on helping me get through the grief while making all the hard decisions regarding her end of life and all the arrangements to celebrate it. Which on reflection, helped a great deal.

As the festive season draws, I will have strong feelings as it will be the end of an era in this house that has been my parent’s home since the early 70’s, but it will also be filled with laughter.

We of the Celtic bloodline pride ourselves on what’s called Gallows humour. We find laughter in the darkest of times. My brother and I along with my nephew love deep conversations amidst daft ones and you never know I might actually get them to play Cluedo with me finally! We have no desire to be hugely social this festive season so just being with each other will suit us well.

I will miss my mother dearly and at the same time I am also filled with the love I have for her and I know she has for me beyond this mortal coil. I think of those who feel as if grief stalks them years after a loved one has died and I have some understanding of that. My father’s death was very hard to get passed as it was woven with the loss of my child. What I feel stagnated me in grief was my own personal regrets, my wishes to be closer, if only I had etc….. whereas with my mother although there was trauma and shock for me in how her walking to death happened, I know in my heart there was none of the previous longing or regret.

So if I could offer anything to those still holding the pain, the kind of pain that is blocking you moving forward, remember that your inner child holds those deep feelings, they are the ones holding onto the what ifs, the regrets, the guilt and even the justifiable anger and rage.

They are the ones to pick up within your sanctuary. Let them know as a loving caretaker that they didn’t do anything wrong, everything they feel is accepted by you, and that they are loved and worthy of love, especially by you. Even if you do it only a few minutes at a time. Give it a try, and ask them what they need, it might just help to fill and soothe that gaping hole of loneliness.

Next year will be much more transient for me. I will be putting out some session offerings to new clients in blocks of Two Sessions or Three Sessions see below (I will repost it just before the new year on my FB page) and being of service to my regular clients who request it. And then I will be travelling. I may well be available for workshops and one-off sessions in person depending on where I am.

I will be looking to return to full-time work towards the end of 2025

unless the universe has other plans.

I just want to say how much I appreciate all your kind messages. I am allowing this month to be as it is with the grief waves that come and go and then in January, I look forward to being more of service until I spread my wings and travel for a while. My FB page will recommence in the new year.

Solstice and Chrismukkah blessings to all
May we create connection and kindness in all that we do.

Love
Odette

I have done a great deal of healing with my inner child. I have reclaimed her essence via soul retrieval and have worked on building my inner relationship with her. However, there came a day when it wasn’t my inner child calling out for attention but my inner teen and the shock of it threw me for a loop.

On reflection of course it makes total sense. I had been delving into healing pre-age seven and a few years over, for quite a while. Reclaiming the lost fragments and restoring the safety of my inner child to my inner sanctuary. What I didn’t realise was that my inner teen was desperately needing my attention as well but I was not listening.

My teenage years were very difficult and that’s an understatement. My right kidney was near to failing at around 13 years, I spent quite some time in and out of hospitals. The worst thing for me about that time was that I did not develop as other teenagers did. My body stayed childlike. This attracted a lot of scapegoating, bullying and mockery. As an army brat (what we army kids called ourselves) I moved around a lot between Asia and Australia. I was happy in Asia at International Schools as there was no bullying at all. I know hard to believe but it’s true. However in Australia, in both public and private schools including boarding schools, it was a living hell. In the private boarding schools (I was not forced to go but that’s another story) I was tormented in the showers daily, shamed and humiliated regularly and framed for stealing.

In the public school system, I was verbally abused, humiliated, set up, mocked, and ostracised. All of this was orchestrated by girls. I attended co-ed schools mostly other than one of the boarding schools. As a girl with two older brothers, I had no desire for a sister due to this. I kept all the bullying to myself. Never told my parents or brothers believing they couldn’t help or would just make things worse.

My inner teen felt deeply ugly and deeply unwanted. I was lucky to call my parents and my brothers my safe place. For many, it was the other way around, as for them the abuse was within their family. I’m still very grateful that opening the front door to our house meant that the abuse was over for another day.

How I experienced my inner teenager demanding that I finally listen to her, occurred much later in my life. PTSD has a way of kicking in at very unexpected times. Mine rose in just that same way.

I was attending an Abba-themed musical performance with my mother after returning to one of the places where I was badly bullied. The venue was an old theatre where I used to perform as a teen ( Acting saved me during these dark times as I was a natural at the craft and took to it with ease. The theatre has often been a place of rescue for those who don’t fit in. It was also mine)

Coming towards the end of the show they performed the song ‘Chiquitita’ and within a few moments of the lyrics kicking in my body began to tremble in reaction. Now looking at the lyrics I understand why. Below is just a bit, but it gives you an idea.

Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong
You’re enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes, there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you’re oh so sad, so quiet

The next song was the final song and everyone was up dancing in front of their seats while I was struggling to conceal a full bore panic attack. I was trying to copy what everyone else was doing but what I was unable to control was the amount of tears flooding down my face. My sleeves were sodden with trying to desperately to wipe them away. I was getting flashbacks and seeing my young teen self terrified behind the stage side curtain. Feeling her desperate need to escape the bullies along with hiding her authentic self behind the characters she played.

My heart was racing in experiencing this while feeling very spacey and out of body (disassociated/fragmented). I could only just breathe. As the song came to an end I quickly wiped more tears and turning to my mother and keeping my head low I told her I had to rush to the toilet and would meet her near the car. I flew down the theatre stairs and outside to the car. Gulping breaths like my life depended on it. I needed space. My mind was spinning too fast.

When my mother arrived with the keys shortly after, I jumped in the passenger seat, put my head between my knees and a wail of agony burst forth from my mouth. My mother of course had no idea and not being the best with anything emotionally sensitive she put her hand on my back and said ‘What’s wrong? You’re normally so sane!’ For some reason that made me laugh hard at the irony of it all.

Why would I be sane after the hell I was put through in school? This was my inner teenager screaming at me to be acknowledged, seen, validated and reclaimed from that time.

Once back at the house my mother drove off and left me alone for a while to get some food at my request. For some reason, hot potato chips have always been my comfort go-to in rough times and I have always needed space when very upset otherwise I feel energetically suffocated.

I screamed hard into my bed pillow several times and then sat on the floor of the running hot shower bawling my eyes out, letting myself feel all the pain and the grief that came with those years. After that purge, I ate all the hot chips, took rescue remedy, felt quite numb, and performed for my mother as I always did saying it was a bit of a flashback but I had a handle on it, and went to bed early with no dreams.

What I did the next day made all the difference. I am always better in the morning. It’s when what I can’t work out at night becomes clear. I went out and bought myself or should I say my inner teen, a diary. I let her choose it. It was full of stars and sparkles. I wrote from her point of view and let her write absolutely anything she wanted, anything. I let rage, hate and any upset be validated and even followed her desire to symbolically chop some of the horrible girls’ heads off in a drawing. I did not judge any of it in any way. I let her have a full reign of feelings and validated them all. Validation. Not advice. Is so damn important.

Then I journeyed within and went and reclaimed the essence of her from behind the curtain in the theatre, bringing her into the light of my sanctuary to be seen, validated, merged with and truly loved by the person that knew and knows her like no other. Me.

That has been the biggest reclaimed fragment of my teen years to date. All other fragments I reclaim just add to her blossoming self.

She is quite different to my younger inner child who is always full of joy and eager for a cuddle. My teen in contrast needs more space, thinks deeply, likes quiet spaces, sits with me as we dangle our feet in the river and loves to hang out in the woods area of my sanctuary. That is her favourite place to dwell. She does come out to the more open area of the sanctuary to snuggle with my younger inner child energies, the spirit animals and my loving male caretaker spirit kin but more often than not, I find her in a beautiful sunny glade within the woods surrounded by wildflowers and lush green grass. My deer kin can often be found with her.

Remember that your inner teen needs as much validation and reclaiming as your inner child does as the teen years can be where a lot of trauma is buried within the subconscious.

It may be as simple as a cuddle, your presence and or validation or to create something they might like within the sanctuary. Just be receptive and open to their needs. Above all. Validate.

Inner child work is one of the bedrocks of my medicine path. I do it with a shamanic flavour as I do most things. If you would like further guidance, come and find me at my website. I would be more than happy to be your guide for reclaiming.

Blessings and hugs to your inner selves.
Odette

(c) O. Nightsky 2024 (excerpt from ‘Wyrd’ A work in progress )

If you are from my era, you may have seen the film Marathon Man, which this quote is from. It’s a question for today’s times, as safety is something we feel less and less of as the discord and dualism increase into chaos.

The world is now primarily run by corporations, the unconscious rich are akin to the gluttonous patricians of Rome. And the rest? Surviving and struggling at best and sure as heck don’t feel safe in this current era. Nothing is certain.

I know I cannot rely on the safety of the outside world. I can however trust that the path I am on and what I do from within may be a way for me to stay safe, but there is no guarantee of that no matter what my circumstances.

My aim is, and has always been, to build safety from within. To form a long-lasting deeper connection within my inner core that is aligned with my soul. A connection I can rely on in the worst of times. My inner sanctuary, created initially via my imagination, transformed into a deep resource within my subconscious where I can turn inward to a place that fills me with a sense of tangible spiritual safety.

This is why as I have mentioned before, it’s one of the first questions I ask my clients ‘Do you feel safe?’ They tell me how they feel safe outside of themselves and then I ask again. ‘What about within yourself? Do you feel safe within you?’ The answer is inevitably the same. ‘No.’

That’s what happens when we have been traumatised in some way. We split off/fragment to save ourselves however at the same time we also unconsciously abandon ourselves.

When we build safety within via Sanctuary, Animal Medicine, Soul Retrieval, energetic clearing etc, we are able to connect and align with our core more deeply and …..feel safe.

I have been asked recently to speak at a woman’s group in prison and this subject is so relevant to that situation. You are in a situation where you are trapped in a certain environment due to your actions right or wrong, innocent or guilty. You are limited by the rules that the institution has. However, you ‘can’ begin to change the narrative from within.

I also recently read a fascinating book by detective reporter Nellie Bly called “10 Days in a Madhouse”. Not a read for the very sensitive as it can be very triggering but other than the sheer cruelty by the female nurses I kept thinking, if only they could go within to somewhere beyond that wasn’t madness. Somewhere safe. Many of them were not mad in any way but many became so due to such inhumane treatment as a way out.

I want us in this era to have another option.

When I was very unwell, my primary terror was a fear of being invaded. In hindsight I can see that I was an empty vessel, with a weakened core and hungry for acknowledgement outside myself and on an unconscious level due to my wounding, I made room for it all.

Today there is no room. My safe core has warmly and lovingly taken that space up.

Things still come at me as I will always be sensitive by nature, but they never get that far in any more. There is a mutable solidity at my core. I liken it to the position of Wu We, where your feet are flat on the ground, knees slightly bent and you can’t be thrown off centre.

I’m not sitting on a Guru throne or anything, I am like us all, a work in progress. I still have issues and challenges like any other, however by knowing how to work within the multidimensional landscape by caretaking, retrieving, negotiating and clearing tools, I can sort what comes at me so much faster and more efficiently which makes me able to be here amidst the chaos of this era and still be of service with my feet on the ground. Either that or an earthing mat (which I can highly recommend)

The more I see how chaotic things are getting in the world the more I am grateful for what I have built within. It’s not a world that disconnects me from this one. It’s an inner world where I can feel seen, heard, loved, connected with which makes it actually a lot easier to be here. An inner retreat space of my own where my vibration is naturally lifted. These are the times that I chose to come for. It wasn’t a mistake. I didn’t get dragged into something I didn’t want. I said, yeah this looks hard as, but if I can spread these seeds of inner safety for people to grow their own safe inner spaces, then it will be worth it.

Tips on creating a sanctuary

Call in all guardians and guides for support.
Make sure you go through and ‘down’ the Shamans’ tree or cave if that is your preference.
Always return the same way.
Use gentle circular breathing to help you move deeper into your subconscious (lower world)
You are the caretaker. If something doesn’t feel right, ask for help from your guides and or transform it with your imagination, intention and breath.
Use the elements of earth, air, fire and water to bring more life into your sanctuary or to cleanse it.

Build your inner safety, as it will be your touchstone during these times of chaos.

Blessings
Odette
(C) O. Nightsky 2024)

We all experience resistance in some way. I’m not talking about the resistance of saying no to harm another being or setting good boundaries so that you are safe…. this is more about inner resistance to certain feelings arising.

Even a monk who is well-practised in meditation will experience arising states of resistance in their practice. As the Dalai Lama often says, ‘It’s not the feeling that’s the issue, it’s what we do with it that matters.’

The action we take after noticing it has arisen.

Strong resistance in my experience motions my body to shut down, shut in, close up, back away, fight off or freeze and most importantly, block the natural flow of chi (life force).

If resistance becomes a primary state of being, it can manifest into a state of physical, mental and psychic stagnation.

Depression (not the clinical kind) is a common outcome of this stagnation but it also shows up in PTSD and other states of emotional, mental and psychic imbalance.

Resistance predominantly arises in reaction to things that are uncomfortable to face or process.

Take a moment and reflect on what feelings you resist the most.

For me, looking back on my own story, I had a great deal of resistance in expressing my anger or even being ok with feeling it. I was not brought up to see anger as a natural emotion and being born a woman even more so.

My parents were from an era in which survival was a priority and emotions took a back seat to that.
As both my parents were trained in the military model and were themselves children during WWII, dealing with feelings was done by either ignoring them or suppressing them. I was under the impression that they were experts and compartmentalising. They weren’t but that’s how it appeared to me and it was something I felt I wasn’t able to do. However, as that was my learning model, I resisted showing any anger and when I did on the odd occasion let it out in pent-up reaction, I was either mocked, shut down or shamed. So I built up this inner resistance. I didn’t process it, or let it out. I shut it in and turned the lock.

I buried it as far down into my subconscious as I could and due to that it leaked out into a passive-aggressive ice queen of resentment. No, not the beautiful ones in fantasies and movies. Mine was ugly, mean and brittle to the core.

I would pull away into my ice fortress to protect myself rather than confront the situation. I imagined if I let my anger out, people wouldn’t like me, mock me or shame me, just like when I was a child, so the message I got was my anger is not welcome by others and alongside that came the belief that there is something wrong with me.

In time this suppression manifested into a lump in my breast which gave me a major wake-up call to begin to look at what I was suppressing that was now manifesting in my body.

What I found was that I was good at nurturing and loving all the people-pleaser parts of me, but the rest, what wasn’t in my view acceptable, was shoved deep down. My self-love was conditional and my anger was the enemy.

I realised my body was trying to tell me something I couldn’t hear any other way. I committed to prioritising my emotions unconditionally. Which meant that whatever I felt I was determined to befriend in some way.

After a while, the lump in its own time with no medical intervention, was no more. (This is not advocating for not getting medical attention. I did get it initially and the result was not completely conclusive so I chose no intervention but if it wasn’t shifting I would have looked into further treatment) Our bodies, our choices. My body has always responded incredibly well to Chinese medicine and that’s the main path I took along a few other safe modalities.

This began my conscious journey to see where I created resistance and for what reason. I took gentle steps. I was still frightened of confrontation but I chose to stop ignoring the anger and to do something with it.

I committed to melting the fortress as I could see that the anger was calcifying into resentment and if I didn’t befriend it, I may well end up with more cells turning into cancer. I needed to move the energy of my anger in some way and not let it fester.

Its been a journey of learning to process my anger with consciousness tools from my ever-expanding therapeutic medicine bag. And oh my goodness, it’s so much easier to move through, befriend, and release it compared to back then. I stopped resisting it as if it were an enemy. I befriended it, got to know its true intention (to protect me) and validated it so I could see what was needed to bring balance.

Am all fine with confrontation now? I still don’t like it, but the ice fortress is no more and I can hold my own space for it if need be. I allow myself to feel and move through all my feelings including resistance, nurture my inner child and face what I need to rather than avoid it.

On reflection of the most difficult confrontations I have had since that awakening, I have repeatedly had this quiet phrase arise from within me, about the same time the old flight reaction to flee pops into my head.

“Be the Buddha”

What this means to me is: Stay calm, stay present in your body, and be compassionate both to yourself and the other.

The result always comes out positive for both sides.

We can also be resistant to the good stuff, like healthy love, and success. There can be great resistance to receiving kindness, love, things being done for you, people wanting to praise you etc

So there again is an opportunity to see resistance as a signpost. For example, it might be something like feeling resistant to love because maybe you felt your heart’s energy was sore from the last experience. I know that one quite well. What I discovered was, that for me it wasn’t the fear of letting another in, it was more the fear of losing myself to the experience. So that’s what I worked on, to solidify my inner loving as a priority so any love that does come is a compliment to my already abundant state of being.

There are great tools, be they shamanic or otherwise to help you learn how to receive without resistance. A simple one is tapping for trust or a flower remedy like Willow perhaps to melt resentment so you can allow yourself to be more open to receiving love.

I know I say this a lot, and I will keep saying it because it is so very important. When we befriend something that we are ‘resisting’ be that a horrible feeling, what you think is an entity messing with you or a negative thought form, the first thing we need to do to bring it up to our conscious awareness to be able to process it and befriend it with compassion.

Befriending doesn’t mean that you let it be your master/authority etc. It means you sit down and have a cuppa with it and compassionately inquire its reason for being.

Resistance is a great signpost. Notice it, acknowledge it, and then see what it’s blocking that could do with being brought into the light so you can bring movement to it via compassionate inquiry, conscious commitment and some good medicine tools.

Blessings
Odette
(C) O. Nightsky 2024

Psychic Gardening and Walking the Sensitive Path

Blessings

Odette

Self care is not an uncommon subject in today’s times due to overwhelm, burnout and immunity issues. The quickening feels much like chasing the air we breathe for a decent gulp to keep us going. For many, the bed is the only place to get some needed rest, unless of course, you have sleep issues then it’s all the worse. Medications abound to help you speed up, slow down, sleep, regulate moods, and on it goes.

Plenty of advertising for beautiful candles to have in your bath, to soften the atmosphere, along with luxurious bath bombs. You can buy water bottles with a crystal in them, get a lux massage with all the trimmings or go to an eco self-care retreat The marketing of self-care is all about buy, buy, buy.

Women are programmed from an early age to be self-less. To serve and to give. When we resisted we were shamed and called selfish, hence the majority of us became pleasers in one way or another. Taught to sacrifice our own needs.

I feel it’s vitally important to learn to balance what we give out to others along with how we give to ourselves within.

If we could just fill our own inner cup, so we wouldn’t drain ourselves in beings of service to others, maybe we wouldn’t be so drained, grumpy and longing for bed. Very few of us were taught the importance of filling our own inner cup. For men, I cannot say but I suspect the old adage of being tough and being a man didn’t include much quality inner cup filling either.

What I find interesting is that when it comes to self-care, very few people talk about one’s own attitude towards oneself, one’s own inner dialogue. How you see yourself, and talk about yourself from within has a great deal to do with your inner self-care.

You see for me, in the past, I let the inner critic rule my mind and my confidence quite a lot. That combined with my inner pleaser was a pretty difficult combination in regards to being kind to myself. It wasn’t quite the martyr narrative, but not far off.

I have always been pretty damn good at taking time off for myself, creating a wonderful experience, I’m down pat with that. I know I deserve it. What I really needed to learn is INNER SELF CARE and that began with changing the narrative inside my thinking mind.

My self-talk was pretty crap to be honest. If someone were to record the things inside my mind regarding how I thought about myself at any given moment, it would read like a fat book of put-downs. This is what I noticed drained my life force more than any busy day of the week. My attitude towards myself.

‘Well, you didn’t do that yet did you? You said you were going to? They are way ahead of you why aren’t you there yet? What’s wrong with you…you should have.…… yeah, it is your fault because you should have known….’ You get the idea.

On the outside it looked like, yeah I know how to take care of myself. On the inside, it was a slow but deliberate takedown of someone I was supposed to be growing to unconditionally love.

The inner sanctuary was not just my safe space within the depth of my psyche, it was where I started to build my inner self-care.

Each creation within my sanctuary was for my inner child, to show her how much I cared about her. What she gets, I get automatically. It’s a kind of trickster trick in a way. What you give to the inner child, you automatically energetically benefit from. So that’s where I began. FROM THE INSIDE.

Be that spending time hugging her and telling her what I needed to hear, putting my hand on my upper chest and reassuring her that I love her no matter what and there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.… This was the path to changing my attitude towards myself.

Often clients who are parents have a bit of resistance as they are overwhelmed at the thought of caring for another child, but this is very different. It’s giving oneself a dose of self-nourishment. And you can do it in between things. You can tap in and tell your inner child something great about them while you are doing the dishes, peeling the carrots, stirring the pot, or folding the laundry. You can reassure her that she is safe within you, and she is loved as you lie down to sleep, along with softy patting your upper chest a few times (this gentle flat palm patting is akin to when a baby needs soothing).

Self-care can be done in the midst of being of service. I just stopped typing, closed my eyes, pulled my centre of awareness close to myself and down into my heart and just said to my little one, ‘Hey, beautiful, you ok?’ The instant answer is ‘Always, as long as I am with you.’ That was less than 30 seconds. Now that’s today, on other days I may get something very different. I might ask ‘Hey, little one how are you?’ And the response might be ‘Sad’. My response. ‘Oh sweetie, what do you need?’ ‘ I don’t know,’ ‘That’s ok, sometimes we don’t know what we need,’ Then I see her coming straight for me and I imagine merging with her in a hug.’

Breath

One thing I notice when I am stressed or running on adrenaline in some way is that I am out of my body with all the things that I need to do. I am running on chest air, not gut air.

In breastfeeding there is what’s called the entree (the light milk) and then the main meal (where you get the full rich nutrients). If a baby can only access the entree without the main meal the infant does not thrive.

So when we only take in the chest breath we do not feed the nervous system well enough to thrive. In Buyteko breathing, Asthmatics are taught that the breath out is the most important as when one breathes slowly out the body automatically wants to breathe deeply in from the belly. As I was chopping vegetables last night, I noticed my mind running, so I took a long deep (wind-sounding) out breath via my mouth, all the way out till there was no air left, held in the no-breath space for a little and then felt the cool deep incoming breathe again. Doing this a few times, slowed me right down to mindfully chopping the vegetables.

Centre of Awareness.

When we are running a life marathon our attention is often everywhere else except with us. Our eyes are looking outside of us, our ears are hearing noises outside of us, and we are being energetically affected by others outside of us. Our awareness is often out rather than in.

Just take a moment. Stop, close your eyes. Are you in your body? If not where is your attention? With something that happened yesterday? Or something you need to get done? Now imagine opening your arms wide (both in spirit and in form) and pulling your COA towards yourself both with your in breath and your imagination, ending with your palms crossed over your upper heart while breathing out deep into your core. Be still there for as long as you can. Remember who you are beyond the physical. You might want to repeat it a few times. What this can do is land you better within your psyche rather than being out of body all the time.

Inner Dialogue

How you talk to yourself has a lot to do with how you will manage the stresses of life. You can use affirmations if that’s your thing. I personally like Voice Dialogue. I have multiple selves within that have opinions. The inner critic is often the one that in days gone by really messed with my sense of self. Nowadays It flits through as I catch it quite quickly. I listen, write the narrative out (no editing or reading back) say thank you for sharing (not fighting it) and then do something soothing, which for me is telling my inner child, for example, that we don’t need to follow others or compare ourselves, we are on our own path and this is just a lesson for me to be stronger etc….it nips the inner critic in the bud really fast. There are others like CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) Narrative Therapy, mindfulness….find what resonates for you. To turn your mind into a friend rather than an enemy that you are battling or trying to keep at bay.

I can put myself into a lovely bath with candles and music etc but it doesn’t stop my mind from running a negative narrative. I can take myself on a lovely seaside break, but it won’t stop my mind from running a negative narrative. The only way I can calm the battle within is by self-caring from the inside. And as I mentioned in the beginning, the sanctuary was where I learned to be kinder to myself. It’s the safe place within my psyche where I grow in unconditional love.

May what I have shared today inspire you to better self-care within, in whatever way works for you.

May the gentle medicine of the deer teach you how to be kinder and more gentle towards yourself.

You are worth it.

Blessings

Odette

(c) O. Nightsky 2003

Doomsday prepping was pretty popular before COVID, and now it’s blooming big time. America is the biggest tribe of preppers to date with millions doing all they can to prep for a time when the system falls and we all need to fend for ourselves.

You may think they are paranoid but they do this to bring comfort to their anxiety of ‘what if’. Most think there is no ‘what if,’ it’s a given.

It’s less weird now and more and more people are going off grid and finding ways that they might survive with the minimum of supplies and resources.

I myself am not a prepper. I am very much a live-in-the-moment kind of gal, who trusts whatever my fate maybe it is to be, and as long as I remain aware and my insight is in check, whatever happens in my future is meant to.

In saying that, I am into the concept of ‘Spiritual Prepping’. Not so much stocking up for later but garnering tools right now that I can embody and when and if the time comes my inner core will be resilient enough to endure whatever happens. There is that old saying, you can take everything from me but you can’t take my soul. So to me spiritually prepping is about connecting and nourishing my spirit so the conscious link to my soul and the source will always be strong.

I feel it’s important to prepare for our personal spirituality and the wounds and worries that arise and to be aware of the collective in regards to Wetiko, the collective psychosis, and how we can be influenced by it.

I had the pleasure of chatting with Paul Levy, the author of Undreaming Wetiko (his latest book) the other day. What I found interesting was that he and I came to our path of service in a very similar way.

Both of us blew open on a psychic level. He tasted psychiatric confinement, fortunately, I did not. We both dived into a state of Spiritual Emergence and found our way home by similar paths. Jung, Shamanism and Buddhism. We both felt overcome by the collective darkness and in our own way found our way out of it to be of service to the greater whole.

I found Paul to be very authentic and open and his understanding of the collective psychosis incredibly insightful and well-researched. Wetiko reminds me of the Nothing in The Never Ending Story. It is said there is an unknown entity behind the Nothing but it never is identified as such. In regards to Wetiko, it is similarly not a being of any kind. It in my view is an unbalanced force that seeps into the psyche of humanity and blends with our own personal wounds. Paul I feel is preparing us in ways to look beyond the personal and see how we are affected by the collective madness that is currently running rife in the world as it feeds off the duality, the discord, the division and the destruction. The War outside of you is a reflection of the war within. We need to be aware of both. The conversation we had led me to this blog title. I kept thinking of how we can prepare for more changes and discord within humanity’s struggle to evolve.

The collective shifting sands can feel incredibly destabilising. And it’s important that we don’t get sucked into that on a psychic level. It’s crucial to be aware of what is ours and what is being influenced and amplified by Wetiko. I feel that all people who pass through the valley of mental health issues ( acute sensitivity) are deeply affected by the unseen Wetiko influence. I sure was until I realised I had absorbed a great deal that was not mine and was being drained at the same time from something I could not name.

So these are some of the people I recommend to learn from that you might like to add to your own Spiritual Prep kit. I don’t doubt there are others, but at the moment these are the ones that I resonate with due to my background and my interests.

Paul Levy: Writer and Tibetan Buddhist practitioner. To help you understand how to be aware and manage the collective psychosis that digs into your own personal challenges. If you are not much of a reader there are plenty of podcasts and interviews etc. However the books especially his recent ones are very helpful with case study examples and other insights that the interviewers don’t pick up on.

Bessel Van Der Kolk: Psychiatrist, author and researcher. A rarity for a psychiatrist to think outside the box, and Bessel does just that in understanding where trauma can be eased. He is great and guiding you in understanding the intricacies of how trauma plays out in life in layman’s terms and he has flung open the door to finding different modalities that suit the individual. Bessel often shares that trauma is a state of not being present. We need to be present to thrive through these changes. Personally, I feel this is the way psychiatry needs to go, to move out of the medical assessment model and branch into more helpful modalities that people can learn. Honestly, he gives me hope that the old Freudian model is finally being phased out.

Gabor Mate: Physician and author. Gabor has an incredible understanding of the cause of many ailments including addiction. He is non-judgmental in his approach and in my opinion, is one of the best wound trackers I have come across. He looks underneath all the rubble of emotions and layer by layer leads the person into their own insight.

These three men all have experienced deep trauma. Both Gabor and Bessel were deeply affected by the Nazi occupation be that from their own experiences or generational trauma. Levy, knows trauma like the back of his hand due to his brutal father. These men are pioneers for other men to be able to be allowed to express the deeper wounding that has been shut down, and for women, they give us hope in their ability to be compassionate and of genuine service to those in need.

Now for two women who have influenced me greatly.

Sandra Ingerman: Shamanic teacher and author. Sandra has such a lovely way of guiding you to find a deeper connection to the beauty of the medicine of the earth and how to embody the shamanic way in harmony with it. With Sandra, there is a deep resonance for me as she was the first medicine person who introduced me to the concept of Soul Retrieval which is a cornerstone of my path of service. She also speaks of Transmutation, by engaging the light within and emanating it, to the point she even uses the same language as I have (and I did not learn this from her) in experiencing a star from the night sky within and letting it emanate throughout your being and beyond. As a star needs no effort to shine, it just does. Doing this can connect us to our own starlight as a reflection of our spirit. And this is what I seem to be bringing my clients back to quite a lot during these times. We need to resource from within. ‘All you have to do is shine your light’ she says. ‘We don’t need to focus on healing others, more so we need to just connect to being that starlight’. When we are in this space others benefit naturally and can spontaneously heal. Sandra always feels like the type of woman if you knocked on her door she would invite you to sit on her veranda with a cool drink a smile and the scent of sage emanating from her hair. Approachable and deeply compassionate.

Edith Egar: Psychologist and author. Was discovered on a pile of bodies at Austwich barely alive. This woman and her book ‘The Gift’ blew me away. Such a small book, but what a huge impact. If anyone knows how to survive a death camp and come out the other side to want to be of service to people in trauma in such a lovely authentic way, it’s Edith. She speaks of the mind being much like a concentration camp and how we can free ourselves from our own imprisonment. This from a woman’s perspective was gold for me. I know Victor Frankel was famous for what he wrote about it, but from a woman’s perspective, I gained a different insight that I could fully relate to. I highly recommend her book ‘The Gift’ to anyone struggling.

How am I helping in regard to this Spiritual Prepping?

Several clients who have spent quite some time learning from traditional shamans, find that what I teach is more ‘personally’ empowering. They could find a shaman and the shaman would release something but they didn’t really know what or how, so when they felt confronted with another challenge, and the shaman was not around, they found themselves adrift. How are they going to work with what comes up be that an altered experience, a resurfaced wound or an unwelcome visitor from a between-world dimension?

My path of service and my books are a way of accessing one’s own spiritual and psychic inner support. Even my latest novel is a dark ride admittedly but the journey is one of reclaiming one’s inner authentic light, much like I had to when I was lost in the dark.

I am very much into personal empowerment as and as many of you know, my credo is safe practices. People these days are hugely reliant on what ordinary reality offers. So much so that we have become addicted. Addicted even to healing but not integrating much of it at all. If we really want to prep, we need to embody the healing that we are currently doing so we have a core to source from in the future.

Right now the Middle East has exploded and tragedy abounds. Innocent lives are taken in the name of ownership on both sides. No one owns the earth. No-one. We are here to be caretakers. This right here is an example. How are you managing the news? What do you do with the information coming into your psyche? How are you looking after yourself? How do you befriend your anger? How to you calm your fears? How do you nourish yourself? What do you do to connect and not feel pulled in multiple directions? How do you create a sense of safety within? These are the things we need to be working on, to prep for as it’s not going to stop. Humanity is going through a psychotic breakdown of sorts and we need to be able to handle what we get thrown and or what we absorb.
Even more so during these times we need to remember our starlight, the flow of that light and let it emanate. That and if you can find it, I would definitely recommend taking a flower remedy daily to keep your vibration above the heavy collective. I personally recommend the Bach Flower, Oak. I call it my resilience tonic. We are not trying to shut off or deny the uncomfortable we just want to be more resilient in the face of it.

Bringing medicine ways to the modern world that people can relate to and be able to actualise in themselves is paramount in these current times. Many practitioners are seeking to be of help in some way and even as practitioners, we all know that we too need to top up our own Spiritual Prep kits for the times to come.

As the flight attendant says, put the oxygen mask on before you help others.
And on that note, I am doing just that. I am taking a week off to be by myself and give myself a tune-up.

Will be back to service the following week.
Blessings on your journey within and without.
Odette

(c) Odette Nightsky 2023