We all experience resistance in some way. I’m not talking about the resistance of saying no to harm another being or setting good boundaries so that you are safe…. this is more about inner resistance to certain feelings arising.

Even a monk who is well-practised in meditation will experience arising states of resistance in their practice. As the Dalai Lama often says, ‘It’s not the feeling that’s the issue, it’s what we do with it that matters.’

The action we take after noticing it has arisen.

Strong resistance in my experience motions my body to shut down, shut in, close up, back away, fight off or freeze and most importantly, block the natural flow of chi (life force).

If resistance becomes a primary state of being, it can manifest into a state of physical, mental and psychic stagnation.

Depression (not the clinical kind) is a common outcome of this stagnation but it also shows up in PTSD and other states of emotional, mental and psychic imbalance.

Resistance predominantly arises in reaction to things that are uncomfortable to face or process.

Take a moment and reflect on what feelings you resist the most.

For me, looking back on my own story, I had a great deal of resistance in expressing my anger or even being ok with feeling it. I was not brought up to see anger as a natural emotion and being born a woman even more so.

My parents were from an era in which survival was a priority and emotions took a back seat to that.
As both my parents were trained in the military model and were themselves children during WWII, dealing with feelings was done by either ignoring them or suppressing them. I was under the impression that they were experts and compartmentalising. They weren’t but that’s how it appeared to me and it was something I felt I wasn’t able to do. However, as that was my learning model, I resisted showing any anger and when I did on the odd occasion let it out in pent-up reaction, I was either mocked, shut down or shamed. So I built up this inner resistance. I didn’t process it, or let it out. I shut it in and turned the lock.

I buried it as far down into my subconscious as I could and due to that it leaked out into a passive-aggressive ice queen of resentment. No, not the beautiful ones in fantasies and movies. Mine was ugly, mean and brittle to the core.

I would pull away into my ice fortress to protect myself rather than confront the situation. I imagined if I let my anger out, people wouldn’t like me, mock me or shame me, just like when I was a child, so the message I got was my anger is not welcome by others and alongside that came the belief that there is something wrong with me.

In time this suppression manifested into a lump in my breast which gave me a major wake-up call to begin to look at what I was suppressing that was now manifesting in my body.

What I found was that I was good at nurturing and loving all the people-pleaser parts of me, but the rest, what wasn’t in my view acceptable, was shoved deep down. My self-love was conditional and my anger was the enemy.

I realised my body was trying to tell me something I couldn’t hear any other way. I committed to prioritising my emotions unconditionally. Which meant that whatever I felt I was determined to befriend in some way.

After a while, the lump in its own time with no medical intervention, was no more. (This is not advocating for not getting medical attention. I did get it initially and the result was not completely conclusive so I chose no intervention but if it wasn’t shifting I would have looked into further treatment) Our bodies, our choices. My body has always responded incredibly well to Chinese medicine and that’s the main path I took along a few other safe modalities.

This began my conscious journey to see where I created resistance and for what reason. I took gentle steps. I was still frightened of confrontation but I chose to stop ignoring the anger and to do something with it.

I committed to melting the fortress as I could see that the anger was calcifying into resentment and if I didn’t befriend it, I may well end up with more cells turning into cancer. I needed to move the energy of my anger in some way and not let it fester.

Its been a journey of learning to process my anger with consciousness tools from my ever-expanding therapeutic medicine bag. And oh my goodness, it’s so much easier to move through, befriend, and release it compared to back then. I stopped resisting it as if it were an enemy. I befriended it, got to know its true intention (to protect me) and validated it so I could see what was needed to bring balance.

Am all fine with confrontation now? I still don’t like it, but the ice fortress is no more and I can hold my own space for it if need be. I allow myself to feel and move through all my feelings including resistance, nurture my inner child and face what I need to rather than avoid it.

On reflection of the most difficult confrontations I have had since that awakening, I have repeatedly had this quiet phrase arise from within me, about the same time the old flight reaction to flee pops into my head.

“Be the Buddha”

What this means to me is: Stay calm, stay present in your body, and be compassionate both to yourself and the other.

The result always comes out positive for both sides.

We can also be resistant to the good stuff, like healthy love, and success. There can be great resistance to receiving kindness, love, things being done for you, people wanting to praise you etc

So there again is an opportunity to see resistance as a signpost. For example, it might be something like feeling resistant to love because maybe you felt your heart’s energy was sore from the last experience. I know that one quite well. What I discovered was, that for me it wasn’t the fear of letting another in, it was more the fear of losing myself to the experience. So that’s what I worked on, to solidify my inner loving as a priority so any love that does come is a compliment to my already abundant state of being.

There are great tools, be they shamanic or otherwise to help you learn how to receive without resistance. A simple one is tapping for trust or a flower remedy like Willow perhaps to melt resentment so you can allow yourself to be more open to receiving love.

I know I say this a lot, and I will keep saying it because it is so very important. When we befriend something that we are ‘resisting’ be that a horrible feeling, what you think is an entity messing with you or a negative thought form, the first thing we need to do to bring it up to our conscious awareness to be able to process it and befriend it with compassion.

Befriending doesn’t mean that you let it be your master/authority etc. It means you sit down and have a cuppa with it and compassionately inquire its reason for being.

Resistance is a great signpost. Notice it, acknowledge it, and then see what it’s blocking that could do with being brought into the light so you can bring movement to it via compassionate inquiry, conscious commitment and some good medicine tools.

Blessings
Odette
(C) O. Nightsky 2024